Boom. I’ve finally written up the last days of my attempt at FlyLady’s BabySteps. Confession: It took me more like 60 days to get through the steps.
Day 24: Add “Swish and Swipe” to your morning routine
Wipe down your bathroom sink and mirror, and wipe down the toilet and swish the bowl with a toilet brush EVERY DAY. That way, your bathroom is never disgusting.
I’ll be honest. I ignored FlyLady’s directive at the beginning of this whole process, jumped ahead and started doing this right away.
You see, I really dislike bathrooms. Even seemingly clean ones. I get intrusive thoughts about what’s lurking under the toilet seat. And I find hair not attached to the human body disgusting. Honestly, most of the hair attached to the body is gross too. But if hair is stuck to the bathroom floor in a puddle of water or on the side of the toilet, the odds of me having a psychotic break rise. Shudder.
I’ve avoided cleaning the bathroom at all costs throughout my life, although I was much better about it when I lived alone. My filth < Your filth. Plus, I never let it get too gross, which is the key.
Once I moved in with Andy though, it became one of Andy's chores once he saw me gagging while I was cleaning the toilet one day.
Unfortunately, Andy has a much higher tolerance for yuck than I do. Stereotype time: Hair and various splatters (I can barely type that without wanting to hurl) are invisible to men. It's a fact. Except when it's not. Damn outliers.
The point is, Andy didn't see the same disgustingness I saw, so he didn't clean on my timeline. So the bathroom would descend into grossness until I'd lose my shit and nag him about it.
Yes, I can hear the choir of "Hey lazy ass, why didn't you suck it up and do it yourself!" To which I whine "Buuuuuuuuuuuuut iiiiiit's groooooooooooooooooooos. Waaaaaaaaaaaah."
No more! Well, the whining continues. At least in my head. But I am now wearing my big girl underwear and tidying up the bathroom regularly. It sometimes involves stiffening my spine and holding my breath, but I get it done. How lame is it that this is an accomplishment for me?
Day 25: Remind yourself nobody is perfect and read FlyLady’s personal testimony
Oh look, another day to keep doing what your doing. At least FlyLady is proud of you for sticking to your new routines for 25 days. Except it’s been more like 48 days and you haven’t been sticking to the routines. Oops.
Day 26: Read the first sentence at the bottom of any FlyLady email and incorporate it into FLYing
I *think* she means this: “You are not behind! I don’t want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are. O.K.?”
So if you skip a day or 7, whatever, all is not lost. Don’t give up and waste all your time reading crazy, slightly right of Attila the Hun bloggers for entertainment instead of folding laundry. Not that this has happened to me.
FlyLady also says something about it taking a month to form a habit and because she doesn’t want her FlyBabies overwhelmed, she only focuses on one habit per month. Wtf? Why am I trying to learn to do all these multi-step routines in a month then? Or are routines not habits? I might have been less surly if I was only trying to Swish and Swipe for a month, or drink more water. Ok, probably not.
Day 27: Today, think about what you’re fixing for dinner before 6 p.m.
Ok. At 5:59 pm, I will text Andy and tell him to pick up McDonald’s.
Just kidding. This was true a few months ago while I was bat shit crazy. Now I’m cooking again. As a lazy ass trying to avoid cleaning as many dishes as possible, I’m a big fan of the crockpot.
Day 28: Remind yourself to eat right, drink water, and get your rest as part of your routines.
Self-explanatory. Nothing to put the effort in to snark on really.
Day 29: Find the Weekly Pamper Mission on the FlyLady website and think about when you’re going to do it. Put it on the calendar if necessary.
Ooh, it’s the ole “lotion up your feet, cover them in plastic wrap, and sleep in your socks” bullshit to soften up your soles. This does not appeal to me. At all. Hot, sweaty, goopy feet just sounds like a recipe for Athlete’s Foot.
Does the pampering come in the form of the break you get when you leave your toddler with a sitter while you visit the dermatologist to get mushroom-fighting-grade Tinactin?
Ok, ok. I get it. Take time for yourself.
Day 30: Look at your calendar and see if anyone has a birthday coming up and put getting a card or gift on your errands list so you don’t forget.
But what if you lose your list or realize you left it at home just as you pull into the parking lot of the store? Or you have the card or gift all ready to go but fail to mail it for a month? Anyone?
Day 31: Don’t get hung up on learning everything about the FlyLady system. Just keep decluttering away and you’ll eventually get to detailed zone cleaning lists and the weekly home cleaning hour, etc.
So yeah. Keep on keeping on.
We no longer have a cleaning lady. Sniffle. I could no longer justify it since I regained my status as a semi-functioning human being.
Sometimes I follow the FlyLady zones. Sometimes I don’t. Things do pile up but I beat them back into submission. I swish and swipe pretty regularly. And vaccuum. And dust. I’m not going to be a candidate for Hoarders anytime soon.
But laundry folding continues to be my Kryptonite. Routine bed-making needs improvement. And the piles of paper records in the basement that need to be sorted, put away, tossed or shredded haunt me. Some days I care more than others. But I plan to keep on plugging away in my usual fits and starts.
I’ll never be Donna Reed, but the same can be said for Peggy Bundy.